ADVERTISER

PROGRAM TITLE CHICAGO OUTLET.

WRITER SUSTAINING

LI'L ABNER ( COMING * Here nee.

OK Page 1$

wach ~ e? better

324595300 PM OST soos. uii Lae PACEMBERnė, 21040: -FRIDAY PRODUCTION ma di naas.

ANNOUNCER: - „ZAPPING ON DOOR . TWO PISTOL DHO"$ d

ENGINEER ©) | © (MUFFLED - SCHEAMS )

REMARKS |. Fry mah hide!

LIE ABNER PAPE

ROSITA RENARD

ANNCUNGER:

Vis 2340 is {8/40

C-PRO. 95

X r —* M dois in yo' hand - an' why ie it smor

Pistol sts - them wae pistol shots!

DOOR Fao prin

Daisy haot Wnot ie yc'

Aoíin' here l? An’ why ms

an’ why 18 thet fella laying’ thar on Gi’ floor lo

: SINGER b MT Hid RECEIVER

LADE AT QUE TO SUE TO

Chapter two-hunüred and sixty-four cf LI'L ABRZR -

. 4 (9

will come to you tomorre

evening at tio same time.

LI'L, ANIE ig presented from cur Chicago studics. liIB I5 THE BMATIONAL DROADCASYING Cc. PANT.

(CHIVES)

_ 2a.

The NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY, giving sound to Al Capp's graphic comic strip, LI'L ABNER, presente chapter two~hundred and sixty-four = titled, “AUTOPSY AND EVIL," LATCH, DOOR OPENED - AWAY -

It's Pappy .... HYdee, Pappy - whar's yo' been so làng? Didn't i tell yo' not to go ‘way f'um th! cabin very far? (COMING IN) Awri', awri’ ~ befot yo' starts jumpin? on me wait an' see whut I got.

See whut yo' - (BREAK) Why, Pappy = thass boobiful,

Also it's wonnerful,

No doubt -/Whu$ is it?

Wal on account Li'l Abner is worryin' hisself ‘bout them mysterious messages sayin' thet Friday th' thirteenth is his last day I went to see Nellie Noggins th’ conjurin‘

* ooman,

Yo' dia?

Uh-huh - an’! she give me this hyar sea shell,

Umm =- a 86a shell, huh?

Whut's it fo', Pappy?

Wal = th’ way Nellie Noggins tells it thar is a certain dead injjn which uses thi hyar shell to talk out of >

A DEAD injun? Redickerlua,

I'm jest eayin' whut she tole me, ‘This dead injun'a spirit talks thru this hyar sea shell, fe

I thinks I ‘grees wif Mamay = redickerlus,

PAPPY:

MUSIC:

Page 3

Redickerlus, huh ~ wal, jest listen, th! injun's spirit lives beside th' ocean - an' when he ain't around to talk th'u this shell yo' kin hyar th' ocean, : Heh-heh-heh-heh - son, yo' Pappy'd believe anything. (GRINNING) Uh-huh,

(BELIGERENTLY) Cues it, if'n yot! don't believe me th! least yo' kin do is put th' shell up to yo! ear an? lissen, I refuses to have nowthin' to do wif anthin! so rediokerlue, Awwww .... Yo' will, won't yo, son? Uh-huh - I will, Pappy. (WHISPER) Jest to hoomer him, Mammy, Uh-huh,

(EAGERLY) Put th! open part of th’ shebl right up to yo! 6ar,son ~ an lissen close,

(INTERESTED) Uhuh-uh-huh, uh-huh uh-huh ,,. (GASP)

Son, whut's ailin’ yo???

Yo! has turned white, son?

(GULP) I - I hyar'd a voice ... I hyar'd it « and it sed F-f-fridsy th' thirteenth is yo' lel-last day!

THEUE ~ FADE TO i

ANNOUNCER: _ Daily for nearly a week now that message has come to Li'l

Abner Yokum of Dogpatch = in different waye; voices, telegrams, cablegrans, mysterious couriers - and even from the spirit world via a conch shell, Always that same message; Friday the thitteenth is your last day. What does it mean? Huh? What? ... (MORE)

ANNOUNCER:

ABNER:

SCARLET:

DAISY:

ABNER, HUMPTY:

DAISY:

SS SSR

Page 4

(CONTINUED) For a while each evening the mystery ie crowded into the background while Li'l Abner telis the story of his vigorous life to his biographer, Scarlet O’Fever, The family group has been joined by Daisy Mae, Humpty Gordon, and Miss O'Pever -- and the narrative continues -

An?’ thar she wuz - standin’ thar in Squint goaroli's office wif a turrible look in her eyes - an! a revolver in her hand =- smokin’ (TE' REVOLVER, I MEANS) - an! on th’ floor = on - th! - floor - wuz th' body of Aquint Soaroli - dai,, How utterly, utterly thrilling, You killed him to defend your honor, didn't you, Miss Soraggs?

It shore did 'pear like thet, didn't it, Ever' buddy reckoned I killed him - on account him an' me waz th' only ongs in his office - an' I had th! smokin! Pevolaver is mah hand when LI'l Abner an' Willie th' Weasel an' Mr, Humpty Walked in,

‘it ‘peared turrible circumstantial.

Heh-hseh-hwh-hseh- I recall me very thoughts when viewin' dat distressin' scene, I thought as follows, “she done him jn all right - but there ain't a jury in th! country which'4 Sonviot a doll wit eyes like them she's got." Heh-heh-heh me very thoughts,

Ever'buddy ‘ceptin' Willie th' Weasel an' Li'l Abner reckoned I kilt him - an' it looked purty bad, (FADING)

Th next mornin' {on account he wuz District Attorney)

= Li'l Abner had th! policeman bring me to his office, He rove turrible stern -

FADING IN)

£5.

ABNER: DAISY: ABNER:

. DAISY:

‘pages

Did yot ~ did yo' murder Mister Searoli, Daisy Mae? Huh-uh - yo! knows I didn't, Li'l Abner,

(BUSINESS LIKE) Tell yo' story, Mise Soraggs,

(STRICKEN) Li'l Abner - yo! galled me Miss Scra- (BREAK) (SNIFF) I waz jest standin’ thar in Mister Scarbli's office =~- sorta sniffin' on account I thought yo! wuz goin't t' get kilt -

How sly, See - see she's tryin! to win your sympathy, Abner, An’ Mister Soaroli came walkin’ to-wards me - wif his arms out like'n he wuz goin’ t! hug me,

(ANGRILY) Like he wuz goin! t! hug yo!

- Bhe-huh,

Th! sknok!

Mister Yokum - ‘member thet he's daid,

(SOFTLY) Th' hound, I means,

I wuz jest gettin' ready t! duck -

Good for! yd!

When all of a sudden I h'yar'd a shot -

A shot? :

Uh-huh - an! mister Soaroli fell down.

(DRAMATICALLY) Dead,

(GULP)

(SILVERY LAUGHTER) What an absurd story! Now I'm su» you see your duty, Abner, à Uh-huh ~- mah dooty! - I sees it. I has t' be Daisy Mae'a Lawyer - her bein! jnnercent,

13.

17.

19. ?0. m1. ar. eg. ?4.

20.

Page 6

ROS: Innocent}

ABNER: She aed she 19, didn't she?

ROS: Oh, but Abner, that's quite impossible

MAMHY : Whut's impossible, you? I

ROS: For Mister Yokum to be Miss Soraggs attorney.

ABNER: I sis District Attorney, ain't I? Then nacherly I às gonna be Daisy Mae's attorney,

ROS: That gan't be, Abner?

ABNER: Yass it kin.

ROS: Nol It - can't be, You are representing the people - it is your duty to p?osscute Miss Soraggs,

PAUSE; FADING

ABNER: Me? I has t' prosecute Daisy Mae? .... (GULP) (our) (FADING IN)

DAASY: I could see Là'l Abner's dooty. He either had to persecute 5e = or else find out who really kilt Mr. Scaroli.

ABNER: Nacherly I couldn't persecute Daisy Mae - so I decided to find out who th' real murderer wuz,

SCARLET: How fascinating, How did you go about it, Mr. Yokum?

ABNER: Wal - I bought a book on how to become a detective - an' for a while I studied it every day - only I wuzn't unsoólvin! th' crime, One day Pappy an‘ me wuz sittin! in mah office -

SCARLET; Your father? Was hg in Scorpion City? š

ABNER: Oh - I didn't tell yo', Thet wuz another mystery, Mr,

Willie th! Weasel an' me found him in th! nursery of a horspital -

ABNER:

ABNER:

PAPPY: ABNER:

PAP PY:

PAPPY:

Page 7 -

I'm hoomiliated jest t' think of it. `.

Some mysterious ‘ooman left him thar ... We never did figger out who she wuz,

Hoh-heh-heh-heh = mebby we will some day, son, Continue wif yo! atory,

Uhehuh ... (FADING) Wal - Pappy an' me wuz studyin' how to become a detective ...

(our)

(FADING IN)

(READING) There are three primary functions of the operator, One ~ finding clues, |

{LEARNING BY ROTE) One - finding clues,

Two = learnin’ who the guilty party is. Thass terrible important, Pappy. ‘member that, à

Yo! bet, son, ‘Two - learnin’ who th' guilty party is. This h'yar anformtion is uncommon teoknioklá, but I'm learnin’ jest fine,

An! three « provin! that th' one who's guility is guility - See Point One,

See point one? Whut is thet, son?

Huh? (MUTTERING) See point one... Oh, I unnderstands,

It means thet orovin' thet th! one who's guility is guility needs findin' clues, Reoolleot? - thet wuz point one - findin' olues. Heh-heh-heh-heh- thass shore intellygent o' yo', Li'l

Abner,

PAPPY:

Page 8

(SOBERLY) I hopes so~ on account I wants t' make all th! orin!'nils h'yar in Scorpion City etop -

Stop don! crim'nilin', huh? |

Uh-huh a Also, I has 't detect who th! Li'l Fox is,

Hon? |

Thass th' name of th' boss of some Criminal polecats in town, Oh.

An! lemme see ~ whut else ... Oh, also I has t'find out who wuz thet mysterious “certain lady" which left yo! at th! nursery at th! hospital,

Don't mind me ot thet, son- it's turrible heomillyatin'

t't think of it,

Uh-huh - reckon 6o,

I wouldn't worry too much about solvin' thet, son = if'n

I wuz yo! , Tain't too impo'tent, I'll solve thet ) mahself, All right. I assigns yo' t' thet case, Inspector Yokum, YAssir, i

Thass right, I has t' make yo' a depooty sois yo' kin be a inspeotor without folks stoppin' yo,

Yo' means I kin be a depooty?

Uh-huh, Don't you wish Mammy could be h'yar t! see yo! bein' a depooty - stead of her bein! back in Dogpatch, (SLYLY) Pansy has ways of knowin! things like thet, son, Like feelin! it in her bones, huh?

Uh-huh =- on'y I hopes she don't know ever'thin,

Page 9

Meanin' whut, Pappy?

Don't mention this h'yar t' yo! Mammy, son = but thar wus & turrible purty nurse in thet nursery -

(BLANKLY) I don't understin' thet whut yo’ is talkin’ {bout ~ but after I finishes readin' mahobook thet’ll be a case t! start workin' on,

Read on, son =

Fust I is goin! to sw'ar yo' in ad a depooty.

How?

Jeat hold up yo! hand,

This way?

Uh-huh, .. Does yo', Lucifer Yokum, h'yarby sw'ar t' do yo’ dooty at all times, an' allus get yo' man =- orim'nil man, thet is... also female crim'nils, Say I do,

Yo' do,

No - you say yo’ do, .

Thass jest whut I sed,

H'yapr ~ let me s'plain whut I means - Yo ie s'posed to swiar thet - (BREAK) Aw - yore h'yarby a depooty, TELEPHONE BELL, i

I has a clue thet somethin's ringin' Li'l Abner, |

I detects thet it's th' telyphone. (LAUGHS) This h'yare shore fun -

LIPTING RECEIVER

(MUTTERING) One - findin' clues,

Hydee - this hy'yars Distriot Attorney Yokum speakin’ ... |

oh, hydee, Miss Renard ... Uh-huh - I recollect yo! askin’ —— yo' oughta go thiu th! safe in Misters Scaroli's o ee ene

4

sn

PAPPY:

ABNER:

Page 10

Two - findin' out who done it,

Shore he tell him, Put th! receiver up t' hia ear = Three =, . Ummmm - lemue s89 -

Hydee, Mister - this is Li'l Annan. - - DISTRICT ATTORNEY Yokum, It's h'yarby mah order thet Mies Renard h'yarby has permisaion t' look th'u th! truck in Mister Soaroli's safe s.,

Üuss it -- I has fo'got three already,

Yo' welcome, Miss Renard ., Awww .. well, awri', Yo!

wel come, Rostia ., Goo'bye,

HANGING UP PHONE

Whut's three, Li'l Abner?

Huh?

Whut comes after, "two - findin' out who done it."

Oh = three - provin’ thet the one who done it done it, See Number One,

Plague take it! I fergot, Well - I reckon I don't expeck t! be a detective as intellygent as yo’ son, (MODESTLY) It jist takes timo, Pappy ... Wal - now we knows

them things - but we don't know who th! real murderer is,

Whut does I do next? Simple. I looks in mah book, TURNING PAGES,

Lemme see, son ~ let yo! Pappy see,

Hyar - hyar's th' place I wants to see,“Whut o do after yo! body is found an‘ yo! suspects is listed," Wau?

Page 11

1. ABNER: Fust - re-con-struct ‘an’ re-en-act th’ axehull crime,

?. PAPPY: Huh? Whut do thet mean? « i

3. ABNER: (FADING) Why, it means we oüghta git folks which wus at 4. th' Silver Blackjack to aok out whut they did durin' th’ A. time th! orime wuz bein' committed - an' thase jest whut 8, I aiia ito have ‘em do....

k (our) |

8. (FADING IN)

9, ABNER: An' p decided to re-en-act th' orime. Ifin I didn't happen 10. to think of doin’! thet prob'ly th! real crimnul wouldn't 11. l never'd got cachet an! Daisy Mae'd prob'ly got herself

12. hunged,

13. DAISY: No doub t - ifin yo! hadn't been so wonnerful, Li'l Abner. 14, ABNER: Awww =

15, SCARLET: I'm anxious to hear about this re-engotment,

16. ABNER: Uh-huh - I'm jest startin! to tell ‘bout that .. Err - 17. Í hopes yo' is payin’ ‘tention to the things I tell yo! 16. ‘bout whut Rosita Renard did at various times, 19. SCARLET: Yes - I remember them - but I haven't pieced them together 20. yet, They are no doubt significant, ^1. HUMPTY: Heh-heh - youse can say dat again, 95. ABNER: Wal - thar's jest one more thing ‘bout Rosita Renard ^t. thet yo' oughta know befo' yo' hyar's'bout th! re-en-actin', 94. (FADING) Me an' Pappy an' Willie th' Weasel arrived at th’ 25, Silver Plaokjaok - an' Rosita Renard wuz thar to meet me - (OUT) (FADING IN)

QBIZ: DOOR OPENED ~ CLOSED BEHIND

PAPPY:

Page 12

(COMING IN) Right in hyar,-Mr, Willie th’ Weasel.

I'm wif yo, Mister Yokum,

Keep a holt of mah hand; Pappy.

I ig keepin’ a holt, | pe e

(OFF) Oh, Abner dear} You're here,

Hydee, Miss Renard, Uh-huh - wette hyar,

(COMING IN) What is this that they told me at the Bugle office? They said you wanted me out here because you're re-enacting the shooting of squint goaroli,

Heh-heh-heh- thass whut we! regonna do - an' I bet it's goona be turrible enjoyful,

Umm =- yes ~ I'm sure it's going to be intersting, But me ~~ why do you want me here, Abner, You know I wasn't here the @vening of the shooting so how could I ve implicated in any way.

Oh = I don't think yo! 1s im-pul-oated, Miss Rendsd. {OBVIOUS RELIEF) Well, I'm glad to hear that.

Yo! 'Pears to be a mite nervous, gal.

I presume you are speaking to me, half-pint, t Mah name is Willie th' Weasel, casein yo' don't recollect, I jest wanted yo! to' be h'yar on account yo! is interested in orin'nol'gy. Oh yes, - that = yes, of course, I'm glad you called me, I hope I can convince you that the girl -

We ain't here t? convince th' D,A, thet Daisy Mae done it, you ... in faok, jest th! oppyeite,

ABNER: HUMPTY:

Page 135

Ummm « you still have the notion that the little blonde girl is innocent, .

Xo' hasn't had th’ opportunity o' meetin’! up wif th' District Attorney's Pappy yit, Mise Renard,

His Pappy? -

Uh-huh. = same bein! me,

You're Abner's father! I should have known it ., such a handsome man, | '

Uh-huh yo! oughta of know'à it, Reokon we is gonna be seein’ lots of each other, Miss Renard, so --

Lucifer! |

(NYAH, NYAH, NAYH) Yo' us wishful of makin! some remérk ‘bout me an! Miss Renard, Mr, Weasel? : Nawthin' cept'n yo! is a married man I unnerstans,

His wife isn't here, Mr, Weasel - and she needn't know of my natural attraction to Mr. Yokum the elder, as well as Mr, Yokum, the younger,

Ummmma =

Wal - I reckon we oughta -

DOOR OPENED ~ AWAY - VOICES - DOOR CLOSED

(OFF) Greetin'a D.A., -~ I got yer woid - and I'm here Johnny

on d! spot, (COMING IN) "One d' spot" bein! a figger o' speech ,,. I hope,

Hydee, Mr. Humpty,- Thank yo' very kinely fo' comin’, Well - who else do we havé here for dis little olam bake,

This h'yare mah Pappy, Mr. Humpty, -

Oh = d' old man, Put it there? It's a gennywine ‘pleasure, A

Hydee, Mr, Humpty.

An? this h'yar’'as =-

Rosita Renard!

Yo! has mot up wif Mise Renart?

Page 14

Her? Coitenly! Hello, babe, I hasn't had 4' pleasure of youse company since th' night youse wuz out here at th’

roulette - 7 (QUICKLY) Yes - yes ~ I remember. .

Whut was it yo' atarted t! say, Mr, Humpty ~ bout =

He was about to mention how grateful he is to my father

for what father did for him as a member of the state

parole board. jsn't that it, Mr. Gordon?

Huh? Y-6e-a-h -~ I guess dat'a (EMPHATICALY ) Yeah -- sure =

dat's it.

I Rnow he'll be glad to learn that I've seen you ~- and

that you're behaving yourself.

This h'yar whut yo're sayin’ is turrible confusin',

Humpty understands - don't you, Humpty? Me? - soitently =- poifectiy

Yo' sed something bout miss Renard havin' been h'yar at

th! roll-ett. ls thet a game? Uh-huh =-=- a Bamblin' game,-

18,

ROS:

ABNER:

MUSIC:

Page 15

Yo* means roll-ett is like bowlin' - ‘cep thet they bets, Come t' think of it -- it wuzn't youse I saw at th’ Roulette table at all, That's right. As a matter of fact I've never been here

at the Silver Blackjack in my life - now, have I, Humpty? Now dat youse has mentioned it - no - youse hasn't,

Wal =- thet don't make no difference anyhow =- on account we is hyar t! find out who comitted th’ gurderin' of Squint Scaroli, Soon's Daisy Mae's cousin Delightful gits hyar we starts th’ re-enaotin',.. Why d@d yo' sigh like thet, Misse Renard?

I? Did I sigh? (FADING) You must have been mistaken, A sigh is sn outward expression of relief - and what would I be relieved about?

(OUT)

(FADING IN) Oh =- ghe wuz clever - vurry clever - but things begun to come out, Thet - re-en-actment started it all, You mean that Miss Renard implicatdd herself in some way during the reconstruction of the crime?

Wal + no - not ‘zackley, We didn't find out nawthin! f'um th! re-enactin',

What?! But you said...

Uh-huh - I sed thet th' reonaotin' helped us ketoh th' real murderer =- but it didn't help ug ‘till we ses'å th! reenactin' in & newsreel pitcher at a movke pitcher theatre th' next day ... I'll tell yo! "bout THET Monday,

THEME = FADE TO

It wuz a dame which looks like youse.

Pags 16

ANNOUNCER: Chapter two-hundred and sinty-five of LI'L ABNER - titied b LL. Will oos to you Monday evening at this same time, `

LI'L ABNER is presented from our Chicago studios -

THIS IS THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY

(CHES)

vf:12/6/40/8:35 p.m